Elder Dale G. Renlund on God's goals in parenting

Elder Dale G. Renlund (born November 13, 1952) served in the First Quorum of Seventy starting in 2009, until his call to the Quorum of Twelve in October 2015.

"Our Heavenly Father’s goal in parenting is not to have His children do what is right; it is to have His children choose to do what is right and ultimately become like Him. If He simply wanted us to be obedient, He would use immediate rewards and punishments to influence our behaviors.

"But God is not interested in His children just becoming trained and obedient 'pets' who will not chew on His slippers in the celestial living room. No, God wants His children to grow up spiritually and join Him in the family business.

"God established a plan whereby we can become heirs in His kingdom, a covenant path that leads us to become like Him, have the kind of life He has, and live forever as families in His presence. Personal choice was—and is—vital to this plan, which we learned about in our premortal existence. We accepted the plan and chose to come to earth."

- Dale G. Renlund, "Choose You This Day," General Conference October 2018
Click here to read or listen to the full talk

There is an important distinction between just doing what is right, and willingly choosing to do what is right. Elder Renlund taught in his talk that our Heavenly Father is most interested in having us become wise and willing agents, recognizing the meaning behind our actions so that we can use our agency appropriately to choose to follow Him.

It's interesting to consider how that principle applies to our actions as parents, or as teachers and leaders of youth in particular. Sometimes we become so concerned with behavior, to the point that we forget there is something more than the external performance. We should be more concerned with what motivates the behavior. And focusing on rewards and punishments is generally not going to lead to the right results.

The real goal of our Father in Heaven is having His children "become heirs in His kingdom, a covenant path that leads us to become like Him, have the kind of life He has, and live forever as families in His presence." That requires a change of heart more than a change of behavior; but the change of heart leads to the change in behavior.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2018)