Elder Marvin J. Ashton on expressing appreciation

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915-1994) served as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles from 1971 until his death in 1994 at age 78.

"Appreciation for people and events that come into our lives is most important because it is God’s way of helping us to grow. May I say to all of you ... within the sound of my voice, that the ultimate in maturity is being able to feel and express appreciation, being fully aware of value and importance, and showing gratitude for it....

"How does God feel about appreciation? From the Doctrine and Covenants I share this: 'And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments' (D&C 59:21).

"This morning, as indicated, I would like to speak to the first part of that scripture. Would you like to have God’s wrath raised against you? Would you like to have God mad at you? It can come and it will happen if we fail to show appreciation and gratitude. Why does the lack of appreciation offend God and kindle his wrath? Not because he needs to see and hear our appreciation and gratitude, but because he knows an absence of appreciation on the part of anyone causes personal stagnation. Our growth and our progress are delayed when we fail to feel and express appreciation. May we think for a few moments about occasions and situations where we actually say, 'Thank thee, God, for people and events that have come into our lives that have made it possible for us to develop and grow and mature, for all people, for all conditions, and for all circumstances when we are allowed to appreciate human beings and situations for what they can do and will mean to us.'...

"How do we show appreciation for God’s great gifts? How do we show appreciation for the gifts of parents, companions, roommates, those that we are with constantly? How do we do it? By our lives, by our works, and by our words, and through a willingness to confess his hand in this and in all other great gifts....

"May I conclude by saying, 'When thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God' (Alma 37:37). This is a choice, all-inclusive quotation from Alma."

- Marvin J. Ashton, "Appreciation—Sign of Maturity," BYU devotional, April 13, 1976
Click here to read or listen to the full talk

"Appreciation... is God’s way of helping us to grow." That's a great statement! We more commonly think that we grow through trials, or through learning, or through service. Elder Ashton claims that the truly grateful heart is one that is progressing and developing. And that "the ultimate in maturity" is the ability to "feel and express appreciation."

The Doctrine and Covenants passage that tells how ingratitude offends and angers God puzzled me for a long time. It seemed to say, as Elder Ashton suggests, that God needs our praise and recognition for His own personal reasons. But instead, I think that He knows how much we need to express those feelings for our benefit, not His. "Our growth and our progress are delayed when we fail to feel and express appreciation."

So it's the process of showing appreciation, along with expressing it, that is key. We do, indeed, want to have our hearts "full of thanks unto God" at all times; we will demonstrate that gratitude "By our lives, by our works, and by our words, and through a willingness to confess his hand in this and in all other great gifts."

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2021)
November 21, 2017

President Howard W. Hunter on sincere gratitude

President Howard W. Hunter (1907-1995) was called to the Quorum of Twelve in 1959.  He served as Church President from June 5, 1994 to his death on March 3, 1995.

"One of the most esteemed spiritual attributes we can acquire in life is sincere gratitude. It enriches our lives as we, through this attribute, enrich the lives of others. If we have a thankful heart we will have the blessings that come from constant appreciation for the things done for us and the Lord's goodness. How can we really pay the debt of gratitude we owe to our parents, brothers and sisters, teachers, and those who have served us in so many ways? How can we show appreciation for good homes, husbands and wives who are true and faithful, and children who have the desire to live righteously and serve the Lord? How do we express thankfulness for our baptisms, for the privilege of partaking of the sacrament and renewing our covenants, for the priesthood we bear, for the light of the restored gospel, and for the program of the Church devised to help us make progress toward exaltation and eternal life?

"We pay our debt of gratitude by living in such a way as to bring credit to our parents and the name we bear, by doing good to others, by being of service, by being willing to share the light and knowledge we have received so that others will also have joy and happiness, and by living the principles of the gospel in their fulness."

- Howard W. Hunter, Area General Conference, Stockholm Sweden, August 1974; see Ensign, Oct. 1974, p. 87
Click here to read the full report

Gratitude is certainly "one of the most esteemed spiritual attributes we can acquire in life" — I wonder how often we view it as such? How much effort do we expend to seek it? And what are the results of acquiring that attribute?

This seems a little contrary to our normal interpretation. We generally emphasize being grateful when we receive blessings - we might say that having a grateful heart helps us acknowledge the blessings already received. But President Hunter is saying that blessings come from recognizing previous goodness in our lives as we develop sincere gratitude.

After recognizing a few of the many, many blessings that come to us, President Hunter then adds this wonderful summary of how we truly express gratitude:

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2021)
June 7, 2015

President Thomas S. Monson on sharing and expressing love

President Thomas S. Monson (1927–2018) was sustained to the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in 1963. He served as a counselor in the First Presidency with Presidents Benson, Hunter, and Hinckley and then became Church president in 2008. He led the Church for almost a decade until his passing in January 2018.

"Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, 'They do not love that do not show their love' (Two Gentlemen of Verona, act 1, scene 2, line 31). We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us. 

"Send that note to the friend you've been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say 'I love you' more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It's so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they're gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of 'what if' and 'if only.' Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, 'The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone' (in Gorton Carruth and Eugene Erlich, comps., The Harper Book of American Quotations (1988), 173)." 

- Thomas S. Monson, "Finding Joy in the Journey," General Conference October 2008
Click here to read the full talk

This excerpt is full of good advice about our relationships and interactions.  It's appropriate that it comes from a talk titled "Finding Joy in the Journey" — we will certainly have more joy when we express more love and appreciation.

In the midst of coping with the challenges of our lives, how easy it is to neglect the things that not only are of greatest worth, but are also keys in coping with our challenges! That certainly includes "the people around us" and we must not forget the blessing those relationships are, and can be.

I've known a number of people who struggled to resolve a difference or to express their appreciation until it was too late; they knew exactly the sentiment President Monson is warning of in this next caution, and in his encouragement to not delay in sending a note, giving a hug, or expressing love to others:

That highlighted statement is a wonderful and profound summary of President Monson's counsel. We should never lose track of what matters most, and never postpone expressing love when we have the chance!

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2021)

March 7, 2015

President Russell M. Nelson on remembering Christ at Christmas

President Russell M. Nelson (born Sept 9, 1924) was an internationally-renowned heart surgeon when he was called to serve as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in 1984. He became president of that quorum on July 15, 2015. Following the death of President Monson, he was set apart as president of the Church on January 14, 2018.

"In homes throughout the modern world, stockings are still 'hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there' ('A Visit from St. Nicholas,' Clement Clarke Moore). But, oddly enough, one stocking seems to be missing. Perhaps it has never even been considered. I speak of a stocking for the Babe of Bethlehem. Of all people central to the Christmas scene, only His stocking seems to have been forgotten. It doesn’t seem quite right, inasmuch as it is His birthday that we are celebrating.

"Just as there was no room for the Christ child at the inn at the time of His birth, with so many people, there is no place for Him in their hearts. The world He came to save has been so filled with trivia that little room has been left for the Lord and His righteousness. Many people have made room for sports and recreation, trinkets and toys, but the Prince of Peace—the Savior of mankind—is often forgotten.

"At Christmastime we exchange gifts, but what have we done to show our appreciation to Him who created the entire earth with all of its beauty and abundance? How could we ignore Him who gave us life and all that sustains life? These priceless gifts come from Him. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could improve our ways—as a gift to Him at Christmastime? If His stocking has been empty in our minds, what could we now give?"

- Russell M. Nelson, "Gifts for an Empty Stocking," Combined Yale Wards Christmas Message, December 22, 1996; see Teachings of Russell M. Nelson pp. 54-55

President Nelson made an interesting suggestion in this Christmas message. It's so easy to forget the Savior in the midst of our holiday commotion, leaving "little room... for the Lord and His righteousness." Perhaps we need more visual reminders? When we hang our stockings in order to share gifts with one another, we could consider hanging a stocking for the Savior and ponder how we might offer gifts to Him.

The Savior's gifts to us are so abundant and continuous; how can we show appreciation to Him in return? The simple suggestion President Nelson makes is to find a way to "improve our ways" as an offering of appreciation. May we all follow this wise counsel and seek to be better disciples as we show our true gratitude to the Babe of Bethlehem.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2018)

Elder Marvin J. Ashton on expressing appreciation

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915-1994) served as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles from 1971 until his death in 1994 at age 78.

"Appreciation for people and events that come into our lives is most important because it is God’s way of helping us to grow. May I say to all of you ... within the sound of my voice, that the ultimate in maturity is being able to feel and express appreciation, being fully aware of value and importance, and showing gratitude for it....

"How does God feel about appreciation? From the Doctrine and Covenants I share this: 'And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments' (D&C 59:21).

"This morning, as indicated, I would like to speak to the first part of that scripture. Would you like to have God’s wrath raised against you? Would you like to have God mad at you? It can come and it will happen if we fail to show appreciation and gratitude. Why does the lack of appreciation offend God and kindle his wrath? Not because he needs to see and hear our appreciation and gratitude, but because he knows an absence of appreciation on the part of anyone causes personal stagnation. Our growth and our progress are delayed when we fail to feel and express appreciation. May we think for a few moments about occasions and situations where we actually say, 'Thank thee, God, for people and events that have come into our lives that have made it possible for us to develop and grow and mature, for all people, for all conditions, and for all circumstances when we are allowed to appreciate human beings and situations for what they can do and will mean to us.'...

"How do we show appreciation for God’s great gifts? How do we show appreciation for the gifts of parents, companions, roommates, those that we are with constantly? How do we do it? By our lives, by our works, and by our words, and through a willingness to confess his hand in this and in all other great gifts....

"May I conclude by saying, 'When thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God' (Alma 37:37). This is a choice, all-inclusive quotation from Alma."

- Marvin J. Ashton, "Appreciation—Sign of Maturity," BYU devotional, April 13, 1976
Click here to read or listen to the full talk

"Appreciation... is God’s way of helping us to grow." That's a great statement! We more commonly think that we grow through trials, or through learning, or through service. Elder Ashton claims that the truly grateful heart is one that is progressing and developing. And that "the ultimate in maturity" is the ability to "feel and express appreciation."

The Doctrine and Covenants passage that tells how ingratitude offends and angers God puzzled me for a long time. It seemed to say, as Elder Ashton suggests, that God needs our praise and recognition for His own personal reasons. But instead, I think that He knows how much we need to express those feelings for our benefit, not His. "Our growth and our progress are delayed when we fail to feel and express appreciation."

So it's the process of showing appreciation, along with expressing it, that is key. We do, indeed, want to have our hearts "full of thanks unto God" at all times; we will demonstrate that gratitude "By our lives, by our works, and by our words, and through a willingness to confess his hand in this and in all other great gifts."

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2017)

President Gordon B. Hinckley on living in gratitude to God

President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910-2008) was called to the Quorum of Twelve in 1961. He served as a counselor in the First Presidency from 1981-1995, then as Church President until his death in 2008.

"Gratitude is of the very essence of worship—thanksgiving to the God of Heaven, who has given us all that we have that is good.

"As you know, I served as a counselor to President Ezra Taft Benson, and I was with him many times when he prayed. He did not ask for very much in his prayers. His prayers were expressions of gratitude. Be thankful. When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, you walk with a spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your lives. Be grateful. Be thankful to the Almighty for His wonderful blessings upon you. You have all that this great age has to offer, and beyond that the marvelous blessings of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. How lucky can you be. Walk with appreciation and respect for the blessings of life and happiness which you enjoy."

- Gordon B. Hinckley, Pittsburgh Pennsylvania Regional Conference, 4/28/96; see TGBH (1997), p. 250

This was a frequent theme for President Hinckley. He reminded us regularly that there are blessings that come to a grateful heart.

It's interesting to ponder what true worship is. Standing in awe and admiration of a divine Being far greater than ourselves seems only part of the action; but to express our deep and sincere appreciation to that Being, not just in words and thoughts, but in actions and emulation, seems to complete the expression.

In this excerpt, President Hinckley describes what a life of gratitude looks like—the simple humility that will accompany a person who is truly grateful to God for the blessings that have come.

To truly "walk with gratitude" is more than just occasionally remembering to feel or express it. It implies a constant, consistent, ongoing attitude that expresses itself in all we do.

President Howard W. Hunter on expressing appreciation before it's too late

President Howard W. Hunter (1907-1995) was called to the Quorum of Twelve in 1959.  He served as Church President for only nine months, from June 5, 1994 to his death on March 3, 1995.

"We should never delay expressing appreciation. Some time ago I had a lesson of gratitude taught to me. I was in the mission home in San Francisco when the mission president received a telephone call and said, 'I must cross the bay and take a message to an elder that his father has just passed away.' I went with him. We crossed over the Bay Bridge, up to Berkeley, and stopped at an apartment building. A fine-looking elder came to the door. He was excited to see his mission president and said, 'Oh, president, come in; we want to tell you what happened this morning.' The president said, 'Elder, sit down with us for a moment; we have a sad message to deliver to you.'

"I will never forget that occasion as the young man's head fell into his arms and he commenced to sob. After we had comforted him he said, 'My father was the greatest man I have ever known. I have never told him that. I don't believe I realized it in my years of growing up, but since I have come into the mission field a maturity has come to me to make me appreciate my father and my mother. I decided last week I was going to sit down and write my father a letter and tell him how much I loved him and how much he has meant to me, but now it is too late.' He commenced to sob again.

"My heart went out to that young man, but I thought how typical that is of many of us. The letter we intended to write, the word of appreciation we intended to express, the prayers we intended to offer when we had more time to express to the Lord our appreciation for his goodness. We are grateful for all of these things that are done for us, of course, but in our busy life we don't always express appreciation for what others do for us."

- Howard W. Hunter, New Zealand Area Conference, Wellington, New Zealand, 11/27/79; see THWH, p. 94

This was a touching and poignant message from President Hunter. Someone waited too long to share feelings that should have been expressed. Book of Mormon prophets talked several times about "procrastinat[ing] the day of your repentance" (Alma 13:27) but we don't usually think about procrastinating the day of gratitude "until it is everlastingly too late" (Helaman 13:38).

What a wonderful reminder. We should be looking for every opportunity to express that gratitude to those we love, those who have helped and blessed us, set examples, made sacrifices, inspired, lifted, encouraged. Surely there are almost countless people that fall in those categories for all of us!

Neal A. Maxwell on appreciating the beauty in the world

Elder Neal A. Maxwell (born July 6, 1926, died July 21, 2004 at age 78) served as a Seventy from 1976-1981, then as a member of the Quorum of Twelve until his death from cancer in 2004.

"The greater our sensitivity to the Spirit, the greater our response to beauty, grace, and truth in all their forms as these exist about us. Our righteousness opens us up like a blossoming flower to both detail and immensity. Sin, on the other hand, closes us down; it scalds the tastebuds of the soul.

"After all, was it not the Creator of the worlds who called our attention to the beauty of the lilies of the field, to the power in the tiny mustard seed, and to the leaves on the fig tree?

"Was it not that same Creator who also asked us, as we observe the heavens, planets, and stars moving in their orbits, to remember that when we have so observed, we have 'seen God moving in his majesty and power' (D&C 88:47)?

"There is so much to see and so much to celebrate righteously. Indeed, appreciation for the world (and all in it) which God has given us is but a prelude to adoration of the God who has so gloriously displayed His creativity for us. Creativity permits us to see the wondrous order of things, their infinite beauty, their scope, but also their incredible detail. To use the words of Moses, we then see and feel things which we 'never had supposed' (Moses 1:10)!"

- Neal A. Maxwell, "Creativity," New Era, August 1982, p. 4
Click here to read the full article

This is a beautiful, encouraging thought. There is a link between our spiritual sensitivity, and our ability to fully appreciate the "beauty, grace, and truth" that exist around us in any form in the world. We grow in understanding and perception of both the minute details of divine creation, as well as the grand immensity of all around us. But to have the "tastebuds of the soul" scalded by sin is a terrible alternative.

There truly is "so much to see and so much to celebrate righteously"! How blessed we are to be immersed in such glorious testimony of divinity.

Thomas S. Monson on sharing and expressing love

President Thomas S. Monson (1927- ) was sustained to the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in 1963.  He served as a counselor in the First Presidency with Presidents Benson, Hunter, and Hinckley until becoming Church president in 2008.

"Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, 'They do not love that do not show their love' (Two Gentlemen of Verona, act 1, scene 2, line 31). We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us. 

"Send that note to the friend you've been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say 'I love you' more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It's so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they're gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of 'what if' and 'if only.' Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, 'The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone' (in Gorton Carruth and Eugene Erlich, comps., The Harper Book of American Quotations (1988), 173)." 

- Thomas S. Monson, "Finding Joy in the Journey," Ensign, Nov. 2008, pp. 84-87
Click here to read the full talk

This excerpt is full of good advice about our relationships and interactions.  It's appropriate that it comes from a talk titled "Finding Joy in the Journey" — we will certainly have more joy when we express more love and appreciation.

In the midst of coping with the challenges of our lives, how easy it is to neglect the things that not only are of greatest worth, but are also keys in coping with our challenges! That certainly includes "the people around us" and we must not forget the blessing those relationships are, and can be.

I've known a number of people who struggled to resolve a difference or to express their appreciation until it was too late; they knew exactly the sentiment President Monson is warning of in this next caution, and in his encouragement to not delay in sending a note, giving a hug, or expressing love to others:

This final excerpt sums up the quote nicely, and should be a life's motto for each of us!