President David O. McKay on the blessing of friendship

President David O. McKay (1873-1970) was called to the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in 1906.  He served as a counselor in the First Presidency to Heber J. Grant and George Albert Smith beginning in 1945, then then as the president of the Church from 1951 to his death in 1970 at age 96.

"Among life's sweetest blessings is fellowship with men and women whose ideals and aspirations are high and noble. Next to a sense of kinship with God comes the helpfulness, encouragement, and inspiration of friends. Friendship is a sacred possession. As air, water and sunshine to flowers, trees, and verdure, so smiles, sympathy and love of friends to the daily life of man. 'To live, laugh, love one's friends, and be loved by them is to bask in the sunshine of life.'

"One of the principal reasons which the Lord had for establishing His Church is to give all persons high and low, rich and poor, strong and feeble an opportunity to associate with their fellow men in an atmosphere of uplifting, religious fellowship. This may be found in Priesthood quorums, Auxiliaries, Sacrament meetings. He who neglects these opportunities, who fails to take advantage of them, to that extent starves his own soul."

- David O. McKay, Conference Report, Apr. 1940, p. 116; see also Gospel Ideals p. 253

Time often helps us recognize how rare a gift and treasure true friendship is. Sometimes what we thought was a close friendship turns out not to be as enduring as we expected. On the other hand, occasionally we discover a deeper friendship than anticipated in a relationship.

But at whatever level of contact we interact with others, we're particularly blessed "to associate with [our] fellow men in an atmosphere of uplifting, religious fellowship" — one of the true blessings of Church membership. We should treasure those opportunities to interact with others who share our "ideals and aspirations."

President McKay challenges us: "He who neglects these opportunities, who fails to take advantage of them, to that extent starves his own soul." We should never make that choice!

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2022)
August 8, 2015

Elder Marvin J. Ashton on serving one another

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915-1994) served as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles from 1971 until his death in 1994 at age 78.

"Be one who nurtures and who builds. Be one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart, who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.... Lend a hand to those who are frightened, lonely, or burdened.

"If we could look into each other's hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care....

"When we truly become converted to Jesus Christ, committed to Him, an interesting thing happens: our attention turns to the welfare of our fellowman, and the way we treat others becomes increasingly filled with patience, kindness, a gentle acceptance, and a desire to play a positive role in their lives. This is the beginning of true conversion.

"Let us open our arms to each other, accept each other for who we are, assume everyone is doing the best he or she can, and look for ways to help leave quiet messages of love and encouragement instead of being destructive with bashing."

- Marvin J. Ashton, "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword", Ensign, May 1992, p. 18-20
Click here to read the full talk

In this excerpt, Elder Ashton describes the kind of person we all wish we could be... we all should be. The image below shows an incident when Joseph Smith found two children stuck in a muddy street, and not only helped them get clear of the bog, but consoled them and wiped away tears.

I love this insight: "If we could look into each other's hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care." I have come to believe that; everyone carries burdens at times that are often hidden from others, and can influence behavior and relationships in so many ways. True disciples learn to care for one another, to "open our arms to each other" and express true love and understanding. What a wonderful goal to aspire to, as we work diligently to become more Christlike.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2021)
August 27, 2015

Elder Marvin J. Ashton on the blessing of true friends

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915-1994) served as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles from 1971 until his death in 1994 at age 78.

"A friend in the true sense is not a person who passively nods approval of our conduct or encourages improper behavior. A friend is a person who cares. When we lose someone who cares about us, we lose one of our most valuable assets. An Arabian proverb helps us:

"'A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.'

"A friend is a priceless possession because a true friend is one who is willing to take us the way we are but is able to leave us better than he found us. We are poor when we lose friends because generally they are willing to reprove, admonish, love, encourage, and guide for our best good. A friend lifts the heavy heart, says the encouraging word, and assists in supplying our daily needs. As friends we will make ourselves available without delay to those who need us."

- Marvin J. Ashton, "It's No Fun Being Poor," BYU Devotional, 30 March 1982
Click here to read the full talk

As we consider those we interact with, most of us can relate to Elder Ashton's description. We can identify when someone has filled the role of a "friend in the true sense" by their caring attitude, willingness to forgive or correct, and encouraging spirit.

A better question to ponder is, have I been that kind of friend to others? Do I demonstrate real care for those I associate closely with? Do I seek out opportunities to lift and encourage, to forgive freely and completely, and to be "available without delay" to supply needs?

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2021)
March 6, 2015

Elder Ronald A. Rasband on the value of loyal friends

Elder Ronald A. Rasband (b. February 6, 1951) served as a Seventy beginning in 2000.  He was the senior president of the Seventy when he was called to the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in October 2015.

"Many years ago, in March of 1839, the Prophet Joseph Smith, with several of his companions, had been wrongfully incarcerated for months at Liberty Jail. Many writers of Church history have said that this experience for the Prophet Joseph was certainly one of the most difficult and darkest periods of his entire life. His words 'O God, where art thou?' (D&C 121:1)—as recorded in section 121 of the Doctrine and Covenants—speak of a desperate loneliness in the bleakest of settings.

"The Lord did not appear or send angels; He did not thrash the guards or swing wide the door of that damp, dirty cell. Put simply, He did not change the circumstances, but He spoke comfort and reassurance to Joseph like no other could: 'My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment' (D&C 121:7). It was as if the Lord put His arm around Joseph when He said, 'My son.' Those are precious and tender words. And then He put a timetable on Joseph’s hardship—'a small moment.' What a lesson for all of us to remember. Our hardships will be brief—in eternal terms—and the Lord will be right there.

"Then the Lord said this: 'Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands' (D&C 121:9).

"Here was Joseph, locked in jail by the treachery of men, some of whom had once been his close associates. But the Lord made the point so clear—'thy friends do stand by thee.' How comforting that declaration was to the Prophet Joseph; how comforting to us. Think for a minute what it means to you to know you have someone standing right by you, someone you can trust to be your friend on good days and bad, someone who values you and supports you even when the two of you are apart.

"Our most prized friend is Jesus Christ Himself. Is there any greater assurance than His 'I will be on your right hand and on your left, . . . and mine angels round about you, to bear you up' (D&C 84:88)? So often those 'angels round about' are our friends."

- Ronald A. Rasband, "Thy Friends Do Stand by Thee," BYU Devotional March 7, 2010
Click here to read or listen to the full talk

The challenging and difficult conditions to which Joseph Smith and his companions were subjected in Liberty Jail are heart-rending to us—"a desperate loneliness in the bleakest of settings." For Joseph it was certainly "one of the most difficult and darkest periods of his entire life." Elder Rasband talked about the Lord's reassurance to Joseph during that time, in speaking peace to his soul; but then commented on the further reminder the Lord provided about Joseph's loyal friends:

Certainly the knowledge of friends standing by our side is for us a great blessing, as it was for Joseph. The love and confidence of a devoted friend can be a powerful blessing. We should cultivate and treasure those friendships, and more importantly, seek to be that kind of friend to others.

Perhaps most importantly, though, is the knowledge that Jesus Christ can be "our most prized friend." The Savior gave these beautiful instructions to his ancient disciples:

"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
"Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you" (John 15:14-15).

It should be a great desire for each of us to be called His friend. And then, to reflect that gift of inspired and inspiring friendship to those around us.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2019)

Elder Robert D. Hales on the blessing of true friends

Elder Robert D. Hales (August 24, 1932-October 1, 2017) served as a Seventy from 1976 to 1985, when he was called as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles.

"We need to measure very carefully who our true friends are. The measure of a true friend is one who will not have us choose between his way and the Lord’s way. A true friend makes it easier for us to live the commandments of the Lord. A true friend will not let us do anything we want. True friends will correct us when we do something wrong and bring us back on the straight and narrow path that leads to exaltation.

"Every one of us needs to know when to walk or run away from those who would call themselves friends but in reality are not. Joseph of old recognized the evil in Potiphar’s wife and ran from it (see Genesis 39:7–12). We too must recognize evil and shun it. If we allow machoism to overtake our personal lives and influence choices and decisions we make, we can severely limit our progression in this life and in the eternities."

- Robert D. Hales, "Return with Honor," CES fireside address on 3 May 1998; see Ensign, June 1999, 12
Click here to read the full talk

The value and importance of "true friends" is hard to quantify. I love this description from Elder Hales about what that kind of friendship includes:

The ability to choose friends wisely becomes critical in our time. We need to carefully avoid those who might offer a form of friendship, but in ways that are more detrimental than beneficial to us. That only underscores the value of a true friend. It's a rare gift, one that should be treasured and held closely!

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2018)

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin on the blessing of Christlike friends

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin (1917-2008) served as a Seventy from 1976 to 1986, then as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles from 1986 until his passing in 2008 at age 91.

"The compassion of Christlike friends deeply touches and changes our lives. We should well remember that the Lord often sends 'blessings from above, thru words and deeds of those who love' (Hymns, no. 293). Love is the very essence of the gospel of Christ.

"In this Church, prayers for help are often answered by the Lord through the simple, daily service of caring brothers and sisters. In the goodness of genuine friends, I have seen the reflected mercy of the Lord Himself. I have always been humbled by the knowledge that the Savior regards us as His friends when we choose to follow Him and keep His commandments. (See John 15:14; D&C 84:63; D&C 93:45.)"

- Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Valued Companions," Ensign, Nov. 1997, 32
Click here to read or listen to the full talk

The brotherhood and sisterhood that exists among true saints is a priceless treasure. When individuals begin to grasp what it truly means to "bear one another's burdens" or to comfort and support, remarkable things take place. I love Elder Wirthlin's phrase "the compassion of Christlike friends." Compassion is a powerful word, meaning the ability to feel deep emotions with someone. It's truly a Christlike emotion; those who possess it are well on the path to becoming like Him. Having "Christlike friends" in our lives can truly change our lives.

This second paragraph is reminiscent of President Spencer W. Kimball's earlier observation:

"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom. The people of the Church need each other’s strength, support, and leadership in a community of believers as an enclave of disciples. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read about how important it is to '… succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees' (D&C 81:5)."
- Spencer W. Kimball, "Small Acts of Service," Ensign, December 1974

How blessed we are to have such friends! What a privilege to be such a friend to others! That should be one of our greatest quests—to become such a friend to those around us, providing the Christlike love as His agents and representatives.

And finally, the greatest compliment of all is to be called a friend by the Savior Himself. "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." (John 15:14.)

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2017)

President Ezra Taft Benson on the fellowship of true friends

President Ezra Taft Benson (1899-1994) was called to the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in 1943, and served as the 13th President of the Church from 1985 until his death in 1994 at age 94.

"The fellowship of true friends who can hear you out, share your joys, help carry your burdens, and correctly counsel you is priceless. For one who has been in the prison of depression, the words of the Prophet Joseph Smith have special meaning when he said, 'How sweet the voice of a friend is; one token of friendship from any source whatever awakens and calls into action every sympathetic feeling' (TPJS 134).

"Ideally, your family ought to be your closest friends. Most important, we should seek to become the friend of our Father in heaven and our brother Jesus the Christ. What a boon to be in the company of those who edify you. To have friends, one should be friendly. Friendship should begin at home and then be extended to encompass the home teacher, quorum leader, bishop, and other Church teachers and leaders. To meet often with the Saints and enjoy their companionship can buoy up the heart."

- Ezra Taft Benson, "Do Not Despair," Ensign, November 1974, p. 65
Click here to read or listen to the full article

We come to appreciate the gift of "true friends" often only when we face a time of challenge or need, when that friendship is expressed in a variety of ways, such as carrying a burden or correcting a mistake. A true friend will rescue, sustain, and encourage. But a true friend also shares our joys in special ways too. They are there, willing and eager to help and bless, regardless of the time and need:

Joseph Smith knew the difference between a true friend and a pretend friend, a partial friend, an occasional friend. He saw many leave or turn against him when challenges came.

I liked President Benson's insights into the sources of our closest friends: Deity, family, church associates. Friendship in those settings is strengthened as we "meet often with the Saints and enjoy their companionship" as well as by our own attitudes at friendliness.

Elder Richard G. Scott on the Savior's support in life

Elder Richard G. Scott (1928-2015) served as a Seventy from 1977-1988, when he was called to the Quorum of Twelve Apostles.  He passed away in September 2015 at the age of 86.

"More important, all of them [the scriptures and prophets], without exception, will lift your vision to the perfect friend—our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus the Christ.

"I love President Benson. I love the Book of Mormon, the Bible, and the other holy scriptures. But I adore this friend.

"I cannot comprehend his power, his majesty, his perfections. But I do understand something of his love, his compassion, his mercy.

"There is no burden he cannot lift.

"There is no heart he cannot purify and fill with joy.

"There is no life he cannot cleanse and restore when one is obedient to his teachings.

"Let my other friends [the living prophet and the scriptures] guide you to him, but find him yourself through humble, sincere prayer, obedience, and faith."

- Richard G. Scott, "True Friends that Lift," Ensign, November 1988, p. 76
Click here to read or listen to the full talk

Elder Scott discussed some of the important friends we have in this life to assist in our journey to happiness, including such things as scriptural records, the prophetic teachings they contain, and modern living witnesses. But his message comes to an apex as he introduces "the perfect friend" and shares thoughts about how He can bless our lives as part of the great plan of happiness:

All the other good "friends" of our life will guide us to the Savior, but we also discover Him and build our relationship with Him "through humble, sincere prayer, obedience, and faith."

Elder Neal A. Maxwell on the blessing of true friends

Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926-2004) served as a Seventy from 1976-1981, then as a member of the Quorum of Twelve until his death from cancer in 2004.

"Remember that there are wheat and chaff in every life. A wise lady once said that what we hope our friends will do is to separate the wheat from the chaff and, with a breath of kindness, blow the chaff away. I am grateful now, as I have been over the years, for friends who have had strong lungs....

"Sometimes, in the mutual climb along the straight and narrow path, brothers and sisters, we need friends to shout warnings to us or to give us instructions, but we also need those moments when warm whispers can help us to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Good friends can give us the gifts of approval and acceptance and of perspective. How many of us have rendered that specific service for someone this month? How long has it been since you have been the recipient of such a gift? Perhaps too long in both instances. 'Deserved specific praise' is the ingredient of fellowship, of commending Christians."

- Neal A. Maxwell, "Insights from My Life," BYU Devotional October 26, 1976; see also New Era, April 1978
Click here to read or listen to the full address

Elder Maxwell speaks of some of the blessings of sincere friendship. The first is the ability friends have to overlook our faults and shortcomings, seeing the good in us:

The other blessing of a true friend is that they will walk with us, giving us warnings, instructions, and encouragement on the journey. It's impossible to understate the value of "the gifts of approval and acceptance and of perspective."

Then Elder Maxwell asks the pointed questions: are we giving that kind of friendship? Are we receiving it? He suspects not enough of that is happening, and we are missing some of the blessings of fellowship. We should seek to be "commending Christians." Perhaps as we make more efforts to offer that kind of sincere friendship, we'll receive more in return.

Marvin J. Ashton on serving one another

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915-1994) served as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles from 1971 until his death in 1994 at age 78.

"Be one who nurtures and who builds. Be one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart, who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.... Lend a hand to those who are frightened, lonely, or burdened.

"If we could look into each other's hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care....

"When we truly become converted to Jesus Christ, committed to Him, an interesting thing happens: our attention turns to the welfare of our fellowman, and the way we treat others becomes increasingly filled with patience, kindness, a gentle acceptance, and a desire to play a positive role in their lives. This is the beginning of true conversion.

"Let us open our arms to each other, accept each other for who we are, assume everyone is doing the best he or she can, and look for ways to help leave quiet messages of love and encouragement instead of being destructive with bashing."

- Marvin J. Ashton, "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword", Ensign, May 1992, p. 18-20
Click here to read the full talk

In this excerpt, Elder Ashton describes the kind of person we all wish we could be... we all should be.

I love this comment: "If we could look into each other's hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care." I have come to believe that; everyone carries burdens at times that are often hidden from others, and can influence behavior and relationships in so many ways. True converts learn to care for one another, to "open our arms to each other" and express true love and understanding. What a wonderful goal to aspire to, as we work diligently to become more Christlike.

David O. McKay on the blessing of friendship

President David O. McKay (1873-1970) was called to the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in 1906.  He served as a counselor in the First Presidency to Heber J. Grant and George Albert Smith beginning in 1945, then then as the president of the Church from 1951 to his death in 1970 at age 96.

"Among life's sweetest blessings is fellowship with men and women whose ideals and aspirations are high and noble. Next to a sense of kinship with God comes the helpfulness, encouragement, and inspiration of friends. Friendship is a sacred possession. As air, water and sunshine to flowers, trees, and verdure, so smiles, sympathy and love of friends to the daily life of man. 'To live, laugh, love one's friends, and be loved by them is to bask in the sunshine of life.'

"One of the principal reasons which the Lord had for establishing His Church is to give all persons high and low, rich and poor, strong and feeble an opportunity to associate with their fellow men in an atmosphere of uplifting, religious fellowship. This may be found in Priesthood quorums, Auxiliaries, Sacrament meetings. He who neglects these opportunities, who fails to take advantage of them, to that extent starves his own soul."

- David O. McKay, Conference Report, Apr. 1940, p. 116; see also Gospel Ideals p. 253

Time often helps us recognize how rare a gift and treasure true friendship is. Sometimes what we thought was a close friendship turns out not to be as enduring as we expected. On the other hand, occasionally we discover a deeper friendship than anticipated in a relationship.

But at whatever level of contact we interact with others, we're particularly blessed "to associate with [our] fellow men in an atmosphere of uplifting, religious fellowship" — one of the true blessings of Church membership. We should treasure those opportunities to interact with others who share our "ideals and aspirations."

President McKay challenges us: "He who neglects these opportunities, who fails to take advantage of them, to that extent starves his own soul."

Marvin J. Ashton on the blessing of true friends

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915-1994) served as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles from 1971 until his death in 1994 at age 78.

"A friend in the true sense is not a person who passively nods approval of our conduct or encourages improper behavior. A friend is a person who cares. When we lose someone who cares about us, we lose one of our most valuable assets. An Arabian proverb helps us:

"'A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.'

"A friend is a priceless possession because a true friend is one who is willing to take us the way we are but is able to leave us better than he found us. We are poor when we lose friends because generally they are willing to reprove, admonish, love, encourage, and guide for our best good. A friend lifts the heavy heart, says the encouraging word, and assists in supplying our daily needs. As friends we will make ourselves available without delay to those who need us."

- Marvin J. Ashton, "It's No Fun Being Poor," BYU Devotional, 30 March 1982
Click here to read the full talk

As we consider those we interact with, most of us can relate to Elder Ashton's description. We can identify when someone has filled the role of a "friend in the true sense" by their caring attitude, willingness to forgive or correct, and encouraging spirit.

A better question to ponder is, have *I* been that kind of friend to others? Do I demonstrate real care for those I associate closely with? Do I seek out opportunities to lift and encourage, to forgive freely and completely, and to be "available without delay" to supply needs?