Elder Jeffrey R. Holland on the power of coming unto Christ

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (b. 1940) served as Church Commissioner of Education from 1976-1980, as the president of BYU from 1980-1989, as a Seventy from 1989-1994, and as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles since 1994.

"Whoever we are, and whatever our problems, his response is always the same—forever. 'Come unto me' (Matt. 11:28). Come see what I do and how I spend my time. Learn of me, follow me, and in the process I will give you answers to your prayers and rest to your souls.

"I know of no other way for you to be able to carry your burdens or find what Jacob called 'that happiness which is prepared for the saints' (2 Ne. 9:43). That is why we make solemn covenants based on Christ's atoning sacrifice, why we take upon us his name.

"In as many ways as possible, both figuratively and literally, we try to take upon us his identity. We seek out his teachings and retell his miracles. We send latter-day witnesses, including prophets, apostles, and missionaries, around the world to declare his message. We call ourselves his children and we testify that he is the only source of eternal life. We plead for him to swing open the gates of heaven in our behalf, and trust everlastingly that he will, based upon our faithfulness.

"My desire for you is to have more straightforward experience with the Savior's life and teachings. Perhaps sometimes we come to Christ too obliquely, focusing on structure or methods or elements of Church administration. Those are important, but not without attention to the weightier matters of the kingdom, first and foremost of which is a personal spiritual relationship with Deity, including the Savior whose kingdom this is."

- Jeffrey R. Holland, "Come and See," adapted from a Church Education System fireside address delivered March 2, 1997. See New Era, Dec. 1997, pp. 4-8; Ensign, April 1998, pp. 16-23
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Elder Holland has a way of sharing thoughts and invitations that speak right to the heart. In describing the Savior's love for each of us, he does that in a powerful way in this quote. He interprets the Savior's invitation to "Come unto me" as a beckoning call to "Come see what I do and how I spend my time. Learn of me, follow me, and in the process I will give you answers to your prayers and rest to your souls." The goal is to "try to take upon us his identity" and become more and more like Him in every way. We do that through our direct, personal experiences with His life and teachings:

In the establishment of that "personal spiritual relationship with Deity," we unlock the door to His love and blessings in our lives. That is certainly worth every effort to obtain and achieve!

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2022)
June 26, 2016

Elder Marvin J. Ashton on charity

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915-1994) served as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles from 1971 until his death in 1994 at age 78.

"Charity is, perhaps, in many ways a misunderstood word. We often equate charity with visiting the sick, taking in casseroles to those in need, or sharing our excess with those who are less fortunate. But really, true charity is much, much more.

"Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again. It makes the thought of being a basher repulsive.

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."

- Marvin J Ashton, "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword," General Conference April 1992, pp. 18-19
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Elder Ashton was a kind and sensitive man in many ways. This advice, about how we treat one another, is a great example. I appreciated the introduction about what "real charity" is; not just the acts of public service, but the virtue that gets planted deep in our hearts and helps us understand our relationships to each other.

Even when we are wronged, charity helps us treat another person with love and forgiveness. What a wonderful gift! Since charity is the "pure love of Christ," we are blessed to see how He exemplified this quality in His life. Part of this is seeing differences but accepting and respecting them; recognizing weakness but working to help others; and truly expressing love to all around us.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2022)
February 16, 2016

Elder Gary E. Stevenson on treating others with kindness

Elder Gary E. Stevenson (born August 5, 1955) was called as a Seventy in 2008, then as Presiding Bishop in 2012. He was called as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in October 2015.

"As we look through a gospel lens, we recognize that we too are under the watchcare of a compassionate caregiver, who extends Himself in kindness and a nurturing spirit. The Good Shepherd knows each one of us by name and has a personal interest in us. The Lord Jesus Christ Himself said: 'I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep. … And I [will] lay down my life for the sheep' (John 10:14-15).

"On this holy Easter weekend, I find abiding peace in knowing that 'the Lord is my shepherd'(Psalm 23:1) and that each of us is known by Him and under His kind watchcare. When we confront life’s wind and rainstorms, sickness and injuries, the Lord—our Shepherd, our Caregiver—will nourish us with love and kindness. He will heal our hearts and restore our souls."

- Gary E. Stevenson, "Hearts Knit Together," General Conference April 2021 Saturday morning

Elder Stevenson began his address with the story of a lab researcher who expressed affection and warmth to the rabbits in the study, and noticed significant health changes. That study has had lasting impacts in the medical community. He used that example to talk about the importance of us treating others with kindness and understanding. As adults in particular, we have the responsibility to "set a tone and be role models of kindness, inclusion, and civility—to teach Christlike behavior to the rising generation in what we say and how we act."

As we live our lives with a spirit of kindness and love towards others, we feel more of the spirit of the Savior and His blessings.

Sometimes we have to be kind even to those who disappoint or hurt us. The Savior does that for us; He is the ultimate "compassionate caregiver." I love the phrase from Isaiah: "In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer." (Isa 54:8, emphasis added.) 

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2021)

President Gordon B. Hinckley on a positive outlook in life

President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910-2008) was called to the Quorum of Twelve in 1961. He served as a counselor in the First Presidency from 1981-1995, then as Church President until his death in 2008.

"I come this evening with a plea that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I’m suggesting that we accentuate the positive. I’m asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort.

"I am not asking that all criticism be silent. Growth comes with correction. Strength comes with repentance. Wise is the man or woman who, committing mistakes pointed out by others, changes his or her course. I am not suggesting that our conversation be all honey. Clever expression that is sincere and honest is a skill to be sought and cultivated. What I am suggesting and asking is that we turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good in the land and times in which we live, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism.

"Let our faith replace our fears. When I was a boy, my father often said to us, 'Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve.'"

- Gordon B. Hinckley, "The Lord Is at the Helm," BYU Devotional, Mar. 6, 1994
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This is a theme that President Hinckley loved, and spoke of a number of times during his ministry. We cannot always choose the circumstances around us, but we can always choose how we react to them and how we act in the midst of them. On another occasion he described people who always respond negatively and critically as "pickle suckers." He suggests there is a better way—seeking and dwelling on good things instead of the negative aspects:

President Hinckley does acknowledge that there is a proper place for criticism, pointing out of mistakes and errors, etc. But the spirit in which what is done (both given and received) makes all the difference. And one of the great keys is that when we "speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults" it becomes easier to receive helpful suggestions about those faults.

Not only should "optimism replace pessimism," but at the same time, in the Lord's hands, we will find that "our faith [will] replace our fears."

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2019)

President James E. Faust on enriching marriage

President James E. Faust (1920-2007) was called as a Seventy in 1976, then as a member of the Quorum of Twelve in 1978. He served as a counselor to President Hinckley from 1995 until his death in 2007 at age 87.

"There is no great or majestic music which constantly produces the harmony of a great love. The most perfect music is a welding of two voices into one spiritual solo. Marriage is the way provided by God for the fulfillment of the greatest of human needs, based upon mutual respect, maturity, selflessness, decency, commitment, and honesty. Happiness in marriage and parenthood can exceed a thousand times any other happiness....

"Our homes should be among the most hallowed of all earthly sanctuaries.

"In the enriching of marriage the big things are the little things. It is a constant appreciation for each other and a thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. It is the encouraging and the helping of each other to grow. Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine."

- James E. Faust, "The Enriching of Marriage," General Conference October 1977
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No external music or other influence can produce "the harmony of a great love." That comes when two souls are joined through marriage into, not a duet, but a "spiritual solo." Through the commitment and sacrifices of a loyal marriage, profound happiness can be found—enough to "exceed a thousand times any other happiness." What a marvelous promise!

Close relationships are built on sacrifice and commitment. But it is little things that enrich a relationship: expressions and demonstrations of gratitude, encouragement in opportunities to grow, seeking the beautiful and the divine.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2018)

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland on overcoming pains and hurts in life

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (born December 3, 1940) served as Church Commissioner of Education from 1976-1980, as the president of BYU from 1980-1989, as a Seventy from 1989-1994, and as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles since 1994.

"I testify that forgiving and forsaking offenses, old or new, is central to the grandeur of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I testify that ultimately such spiritual repair can come only from our divine Redeemer, He who rushes to our aid 'with healing in his wings' (Malachi 4:2; see also 2 Nephi 25:13; 3 Nephi 25:2). We thank Him, and our Heavenly Father who sent Him, that renewal and rebirth, a future free from old sorrows and past mistakes, are not only possible, but they have already been purchased, paid for, at an excruciating cost symbolized by the blood of the Lamb who shed it.

"With the apostolic authority granted me by the Savior of the world, I testify of the tranquility to the soul that reconciliation with God and each other will bring if we are meek and courageous enough to pursue it. 'Cease to contend one with another,' the Savior pled. (D&C 136:23.) If you know of an old injury, repair it. Care for one another in love.

"My beloved friends, in our shared ministry of reconciliation, I ask us to be peacemakers—to love peace, to seek peace, to create peace, to cherish peace. I make that appeal in the name of the Prince of Peace, who knows everything about being 'wounded in the house of [His] friends' (Zechariah 13:6; see also D&C 45:52.) but who still found the strength to forgive and forget—and to heal—and be happy."

- Jeffrey R. Holland, "The Ministry of Reconciliation," General Conference October 2018
Click here to read or listen to the full talk

This was a beautiful and tender message from Elder Holland, a call to greater love and peace among ourselves as we learn to "forgive and forget" the occasional challenges in our interactions with others. With personal examples and inspired teachings, he invited us all to heed the example and call of the Savior as we learn to overcome grievances and disagreements. We can thereby participate in "the grandeur of the Atonement of Jesus Christ":

Elder Holland's testimony of the tranquility (what a beautiful word!) that comes to the soul in the midst of "reconciliation with God and each other" should urge us all to pursue this path in every way possible. But it requires that we be "meek and courageous enough to pursue it." It is often not an easy thing to overcome our pride as we repair the wounds of the past. But in learning to be true peacemakers, we truly can find the happiness promised by the Savior.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2018)

President Gordon B. Hinckley on facing life's challenges with optimism

President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910-2008) was called to the Quorum of Twelve in 1961. He served as a counselor in the First Presidency from 1981-1995, then as Church President until his death in 2008.

"I am suggesting that we look for the great good among those with whom we associate and live, that we speak of one another's virtues and positive qualities more than we speak of one another's faults, that optimism replace pessimism, and that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and tended to be critical of others, my wise father would often say, 'Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve.' Who wants to be around someone who is always forecasting doom? Who wants to be fed a steady diet of the negative? Optimism, on the other hand, and looking on the bright side, refreshes everyone.

"In my ninety-plus years, I have learned a secret. I have learned that when good men and good women face challenges with optimism, things will always work out! Truly, things always work out! Despite how difficult circumstances may look at the moment, those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out."

- Gordon B. Hinckley, Way to Be! [2002], p. 84

President Hinckley was a quintessential optimist. He regularly counseled Church members to seek the positive, to look on the bright side, and to focus on the good. This is a good example of that attitude in his writings. These attitudes apply to how we treat and interact with one another, as well as how we think and approach our personal life situations and challenges.

"Things always work out"—he says it three times, bringing greater emphasis to the point. Facing our challenges with optimism and faith, with a happy spirit in spite of the difficulties, gives us power beyond expectation in finding good solutions and overcoming the problems.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2018)

Elder Dale G. Renlund on treating others with love and respect

Elder Dale G. Renlund (born November 13, 1952) served in the First Quorum of Seventy starting in 2009, until his call to the Quorum of Twelve in October 2015.

"Those who have been persecuted for any reason know what unfairness and bigotry feel like. As a teenager living in Europe in the 1960s, I felt that I was repeatedly picked on and bullied because I was an American and because I was a member of the Church. Some of my schoolmates treated me as though I were personally responsible for unpopular U.S. foreign policies. I was also treated as though my religion were an affront to the nations in which I lived because it differed from state-sponsored religion. Later, in various countries across the world, I have had small glimpses into the ugliness of prejudice and discrimination suffered by those who are targeted because of their race or ethnicity.

"Persecution comes in many forms: ridicule, harassment, bullying, exclusion and isolation, or hatred toward another. We must guard against bigotry that raises its ugly voice toward those who hold different opinions. Bigotry manifests itself, in part, in unwillingness to grant equal freedom of expression. Everyone, including people of religion, has the right to express his or her opinions in the public square. But no one has a license to be hateful toward others as those opinions are expressed.

"Church history gives ample evidence of our members being treated with hatred and bigotry. How ironically sad it would be if we were to treat others as we have been treated. The Savior taught, 'Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them' (Matthew 7:12). For us to ask for respect, we must be respectful. Furthermore, our genuine conversion brings 'meekness, and lowliness of heart,' which invites 'the Holy Ghost [and fills us with] perfect love' (Moroni 8:26), an 'unfeigned love' (1 Peter 1:22) for others."

- Dale G. Renlund, "Our Good Shepherd," General Conference April 2017
Click here to read or listen to the full talk

It seems that in recent years, we have been losing some of the civility and manners that used to mark society. Instead, we see increasing "ridicule, harassment, bullying, exclusion and isolation, or hatred" in so many public interactions. Elder Renlund reminds us that "the ugliness of prejudice and discrimination" have no place in our lives and attitudes.

We must never forget that the right to express opinions is a fundamental opportunity that we should never deny others; opinions should be respected and considered. Even if we disagree, that does not give us the right to be "hateful toward others"; not only should we be respectful, but the love of Christ and concern for others should influence all of our actions and attitudes.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2018)

Elder Ronald A. Rasband on feeling the Savior's love and loving others

Elder Ronald A. Rasband (b. February 6, 1951) served as a Seventy beginning in 2000.  He was the senior president of the Seventy when he was called to the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in October 2015.

"Try to view others through a lens of fairness. To do this requires you to first acknowledge that Heavenly Father loves all of His children equally. He has said, 'Love one another; as I have loved you' (John 13:34). There is no choice, sin, or mistake that you or anyone else can make that will change His love for you or for them. That does not mean He excuses or condones sinful conduct; nor do we, in ourselves or in others. But that does mean we reach out in love to persuade, to help, and to rescue.

"When you feel completely and perfectly loved, it is much easier to love others and to see them the way the Savior does. Please turn to our Savior in prayer and ask to receive His pure love both for yourself and for others. He has promised that you will feel His love if you ask in faith."

- Ronald A. Rasband, "Religious Freedom and Fairness for All," BYU Devotional 8/15/15
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Elder Rasband suggests that we can treat each other better, with more fairness, if we understand the important nature of God's love for us. He loves us perfectly and constantly, regardless of our choices and actions, our mistakes or sins. He loves all His children with that same love. As we understand and remember that concept, it should impact how we treat those around us:

Something important happens when we truly feel God's love for us and understand our relationship to Him. Then we can begin to express that same love to others. How critically important it is for us to turn to the Savior in our lives, and to receive that blessing of understanding!

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2018)

Elder David A. Bednar on being offended by others

Elder David A. Bednar (born June 15, 1952) was serving as the president of BYU–Idaho when he was called and sustained as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in October 2004.

"When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

"In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation....

"The Savior is the greatest example of how we should respond to potentially offensive events or situations.

"'And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men' (1 Nephi 19:9).

"Through the strengthening power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, you and I can be blessed to avoid and triumph over offense. 'Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them' (Psalm 119:165)."

- David A. Bednar, "And Nothing Shall Offend Them," General Conference October 2006
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Elder Bednar teaches us that sometimes, the verb tense makes all the difference in understanding our mortal experience. In reality, though people often do things that are offensive, the issue is not that they offend us, but that we choose to be offended by them.

Understanding the eternal role of agency becomes critical. God has created us as agents, endowed with our own personal and moral agency, to choose how we act. No one can "make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter" without us exercising our agency to allow those feelings to appear. We are not passive objects being acted upon; we are the ones who "choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation."

Elder Bednar's example of the Savior responding to offensive actions is a great one. He chose to suffer those things inflicted by others "because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering" for His persecutors. When we feel Christlike love for others, we are less likely to allow their offensive actions to impact us. It truly is in and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that we can learn to "avoid and triumph over offense" and live our lives in peace and love.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2018)

Elder Marvin J. Ashton on the evidence of conversion to Christ

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915-1994) served as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles from 1971 until his death in 1994 at age 78.

"It seems interesting that the first principles the Lord Jesus Christ chose to teach His newly called Apostles were those that center around the way we treat each other. And then, what did He emphasize during the brief period He spent with the Nephites on this continent? Basically the same message. Could this be because the way we treat each other is the foundation of the gospel of Jesus Christ?

"During an informal fireside address held with a group of adult Latter-day Saints, the leader directing the discussion invited participation by asking the question: 'How can you tell if someone is converted to Jesus Christ?' For forty-five minutes those in attendance made numerous suggestions in response to this question, and the leader carefully wrote down each answer on a large blackboard. All of the comments were thoughtful and appropriate. But after a time, this great teacher erased everything he had written. Then, acknowledging that all of the comments had been worthwhile and appreciated, he taught a vital principle: 'The best and most clear indicator that we are progressing spiritually and coming unto Christ is the way we treat other people.'

"Would you consider this idea for a moment—that the way we treat the members of our families, our friends, those with whom we work each day is as important as are some of the more noticeable gospel principles we sometimes emphasize.

"Last month the Relief Society celebrated its 150th anniversary. Its motto, 'Charity Never Faileth,' has been a way of life for its members and others around the globe.

"Imagine what could happen in today’s world—or in our own wards, or families, or priesthood quorums and auxiliaries—if each of us would vow to cherish, watch over, and comfort one another. Imagine the possibilities!"

- Marvin J. Ashton, "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword," General Conference April 1992
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This was a classic address by Elder Ashton, filled with insight and wise counsel. What an important and true insight: "The way we treat each other is the foundation of the gospel of Jesus Christ." I love the story about a fireside discussion during which the speaker invited thoughts about evidence of true conversion, and then summarized with a very clear and concise statement:

How true that is! Being a disciple of Christ means nothing if it doesn't focus on the way we treat others. His message, His way is the way of service and love to those around us. As we continue to grasp the truth and importance of that divine and eternal principle, we will be blessed and we will be instruments in His hands to do much good.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2018)

President Gordon B. Hinckley on Valentine's Day and true love

President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910-2008) was called to the Quorum of Twelve in 1961. He served as a counselor in the First Presidency from 1981-1995, then as Church President until his death in 2008.

"When I was a little boy, we children traded paper hearts at school on Valentine’s Day. At night we dropped them at the doors of our friends, stamping on the porch and then running in the dark to hide.

"Almost without exception those valentines had printed on their face, 'I love you.' I have since come to know that love is more than a paper heart. Love is of the very essence of life. It is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yet it is more than the end of the rainbow. Love is at the beginning also, and from it springs the beauty that arches across the sky on a stormy day. Love is the security for which children weep, the yearning of youth, the adhesive that binds marriage, and the lubricant that prevents devastating friction in the home; it is the peace of old age, the sunlight of hope shining through death. How rich are those who enjoy it in their associations with family, friends, church, and neighbors.

"I am one who believes that love, like faith, is a gift of God....

"To all of us who would be his disciples, he has given the great commandment, 'A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you.' (John 13:34.)

"If the world is to be improved, the process of love must make a change in the hearts of men. It can do so when we look beyond self to give our love to God and others, and do so with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our mind."

- Gordon B. Hinckley, "And the Greatest of These Is Love," Ensign, March 1984, p. 3
Click here to read the full talk

President Hinckley originally shared this message in a Valentine's Day devotional at BYU (February 14, 1978). The reminiscences from his youth are characteristic of his warm and personal approach. But the insights he shares of his impressions about the meaning of "love" are very thought-provoking. While the emotion is too often lessened and cheapened in colloquial use, it truly has a far-reaching and powerful meaning:

President Hinckley's conclusion speaks of the importance of love as the key to bring about change and improvement in the world. It starts with individual hearts, as each heart is changed and learns to love others as Christ loved us. Once we reflect His perfect love in our interactions with those around us, our individual world truly will be changed, and the broader world we are a part of will begin to feel the impact as well.

(Compilation and commentary by David Kenison, Orem, Utah, 2017)

Elder David A. Bednar on personal interactions in the Church

Elder David A. Bednar (born June 15, 1952) was serving as the president of BYU–Idaho when he was called and sustained as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in October 2004.

"As described by Elder Neal A. Maxwell, the Church is not 'a well-provisioned rest home for the already perfected' ('A Brother Offended,' Ensign, May 1982, 38). Rather, the Church is a learning laboratory and a workshop in which we gain experience as we practice on each other in the ongoing process of 'perfecting the Saints'....

"Understanding that the Church is a learning laboratory helps us to prepare for an inevitable reality. In some way and at some time, someone in this Church will do or say something that could be considered offensive. Such an event will surely happen to each and every one of us—and it certainly will occur more than once. Though people may not intend to injure or offend us, they nonetheless can be inconsiderate and tactless.

"You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended."

- David A. Bednar, "And Nothing Shall Offend Them," Ensign, Nov 2006, p. 89
Click here to read the full talk

It's an important foundational principle to remember that the Church exists as a "learning laboratory" where imperfect people are growing and developing. Elder Bednar reminds us that we often "practice on each other" in that process of learning and growing. And that we make mistakes along the way. We sometimes say or do things in our interactions with each other that are less than perfect, and that are even "considered offensive." Elder Bednar expects that will happen to every one of us, more than once, during this time of training.

If we remember that we're all in the process of learning and developing, it helps us to not over-react when those events occur. The Savior set the perfect example for us with his words, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34) The real key to the whole concept lies in Elder Bednar's closing statement: we are all "agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended."

Jeffrey R. Holland on the power of coming unto Christ

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (b. 1940) served as Church Commissioner of Education from 1976-1980, as the president of BYU from 1980-1989, as a Seventy from 1989-1994, and as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles since 1994.

"Whoever we are, and whatever our problems, his response is always the same—forever. 'Come unto me' (Matt. 11:28). Come see what I do and how I spend my time. Learn of me, follow me, and in the process I will give you answers to your prayers and rest to your souls.

"I know of no other way for you to be able to carry your burdens or find what Jacob called 'that happiness which is prepared for the saints' (2 Ne. 9:43). That is why we make solemn covenants based on Christ's atoning sacrifice, why we take upon us his name.

"In as many ways as possible, both figuratively and literally, we try to take upon us his identity. We seek out his teachings and retell his miracles. We send latter-day witnesses, including prophets, apostles, and missionaries, around the world to declare his message. We call ourselves his children and we testify that he is the only source of eternal life. We plead for him to swing open the gates of heaven in our behalf, and trust everlastingly that he will, based upon our faithfulness.

"My desire for you is to have more straightforward experience with the Savior's life and teachings. Perhaps sometimes we come to Christ too obliquely, focusing on structure or methods or elements of Church administration. Those are important, but not without attention to the weightier matters of the kingdom, first and foremost of which is a personal spiritual relationship with Deity, including the Savior whose kingdom this is."

- Jeffrey R. Holland, "Come and See," adapted from a Church Education System fireside address delivered March 2, 1997. See New Era, Dec. 1997, pp. 4-8; Ensign, April 1998, pp. 16-23
Click here to read the full talk

Elder Holland has a way of sharing thoughts and invitations that speak right to the heart. In describing the Savior's love for each of us, he does that in a powerful way in this quote. He interprets the Savior's invitation to "Come unto me" as a beckoning call to "Come see what I do and how I spend my time. Learn of me, follow me, and in the process I will give you answers to your prayers and rest to your souls." The goal is to "try to take upon us his identity" and become more and more like Him in every way. We do that through our direct, personal experiences with His life and teachings:

In the establishment of that "personal spiritual relationship with Deity," we unlock the door to His love and blessings in our lives. That is certainly worth every effort to obtain and achieve!

Richard L. Evans on finding ways to build and encourage one another

Elder Richard L. Evans (1906-1971) served as a Seventy from 1938-1953, when he was called to the Quorum of Twelve Apostles.  He died in 1971 at age 65.  He was known as "the voice of the Tabernacle Choir" from the beginning of its broadcasts in 1929 until his passing.

"There are physical hurts in life—accidents, illness, financial misfortunes that men often manage to survive. But there are hurts of the heart that pull people down in deep discouragement, sometimes more damaging than physical factors—people who are misunderstood, maligned; whose motives are misjudged. There are those whose friends fail them; those whose loved ones prove faithless. There are those whose words and manner are misunderstood by those they live and work with, and there are those whose humor is misunderstood—a humor that was not meant to hurt. Sometimes we speak without thinking and find the effect to be altogether not what we would have wanted. And sometimes even with family and friends there are clashes of personality, or pride, or simply differences of approach that prevent even loved ones from understanding each other.

"Oh, how we wish sometimes we hadn't said some things, and hadn't done some things—that we hadn't given thoughtless hurt to someone, or even some slight. As Sir Walter Scott said it: 'Thoughts, from the tongue that slowly part, Glance quick as lightning through the heart.'

"So many misunderstood—so many with problems, sorrows, disappointments, frustrations, hurts of the heart! We are not, any of us, always as we ought to be, or all we could become. We often live by trial and error, and there is no perfection in any one of us. And no matter what physical comforts we have, or what success in other ways, these will not make life happy when there are hurts of the heart.

"One of the greatest accomplishments in this world would be that of lifting human hearts. Blessed are they who are kind and considerate of the feelings of other people. Blessed are they who understand and appreciate and encourage others, and help to lift their lives and to heal hurts of the heart. Surely God will reward kindness more surely than he will reward much else without it."

- Richard L. Evans, "The Spoken Word," November 29, 1970; see Ensign, February 1971, p. 22
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It's a poignant thing to be "misunderstood, maligned; [one] whose motives are misjudged." Those "hurts of the heart" are so much more painful and long-lasting than most physical injuries. Having been the victim of such an attack at one point, I know how wounds of accusation and judgement can linger.

The injuries that are inflicted knowingly might be the hardest to recover from; but those that are done unknowingly, without malicious intent, also cause deep wounds. "We are not, any of us, always as we ought to be"; and at times we stumble in our relationships. When we do, how quick we should be to apologize, to forgive, to make amends, to move on.

This is a plea for greater sensitivity; greater caution and awareness in how we interact with one another. In order to avoid causing unnecessary pain, we need more often to think how our words might be taken in ways we don't intend; and how we might be misperceiving facts or circumstances.

I love these closing words of encouragement towards greater kindness and sensitivity:

David O. McKay on finding the peace of Christ in the world

President David O. McKay (1873-1970) was called to the Quorum of Twelve Apostles in 1906.  He served as a counselor in the First Presidency to Heber J. Grant and George Albert Smith beginning in 1945, then then as the president of the Church from 1951 to his death in 1970 at age 96.

"The peace of Christ does not come by seeking the superficial things of life, neither does it come except as it springs from the individual's heart. Jesus said to His disciples: 'Peace I leave with you. My peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you.' [John 14:27] Thus the Son of Man as the executor of his own will and testament gave to his disciples and to mankind the 'first of all human blessings.' It was a bequest conditioned upon obedience to the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is thus bequeathed to each individual. No man is at peace with himself or his God who is untrue to his better self, who transgresses the law of right either in dealing with himself by indulging in passion, in appetite, yielding to temptations against his accusing conscience, or in dealing with his fellowmen, being untrue to their trust. Peace does not come to the transgressor of law; peace comes by obedience to law, and it is that message which Jesus would have us proclaim among men.

"If we would have peace as individuals, we must supplant enmity with forbearance, which means to refrain or abstain from finding fault or from condemning others. 'It is a noble thing to be charitable with the failings and weaknesses of a friend; to bury his weaknesses in silence, but to proclaim his virtues from the house tops.' We shall have power to do this if we really cherish in our hearts the ideals of Christ, who said:

"'If thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.' [Matt. 5:23]

"Note the Savior did not say if you have ought against him, but if you find that another has ought against you. How many of us are ready to come up to that standard? If we are, we shall find peace. Many of us, however, instead of following this admonition, nurse our ill-will until it grows to hatred, then this hatred expresses itself in fault-finding and even slander, 'whose whisper over the world's diameter as level as a cannon to its mouth, transports its poison shot.' Back-biting, fault-finding, are weeds of society that should be constantly eradicated."

- David O. McKay, Conference Report October 1938
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"The peace of Christ" is a beautiful concept. Those words alone distinguish President McKay's concept from what we sometimes consider in searching for peace. His encouragement is that peace will come only through Christ, and only through faith and obedience to Christ's teachings. If we lack peace, we should consider where we might need to repent or increase faithfulness.

President McKay teaches the concept of "forbearance"—avoiding criticism or fault-finding of others. And then he discusses the interesting challenge of the Savior from Matthew 5:23, in which we are reminded that it's not just our feelings about others, but their feelings about us that we must consider in this search for peace. True disciples of Christ must rise to a high standard to merit His greatest blessings!

Interestingly, a little later in this article, President McKay makes this application of his principles, one which we might consider in this election year:

"During the approaching political campaign let us refrain from making personal attacks and from hurling slanderous abuse, and thus avoid injuring one another’s feelings, and after election have fewer regrets and heartaches."

Marvin J. Ashton on charity

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915-1994) served as a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles from 1971 until his death in 1994 at age 78.

"Charity is, perhaps, in many ways a misunderstood word. We often equate charity with visiting the sick, taking in casseroles to those in need, or sharing our excess with those who are less fortunate. But really, true charity is much, much more.

"Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again. It makes the thought of being a basher repulsive.

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."

- Marvin J Ashton, "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword," Ensign, May 1992, pp. 18-19
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Elder Ashton was a kind and sensitive man in many ways. This advice, about how we treat one another, is a great example. I appreciated the introduction about what "real charity" is; not just the acts of public service, but the virtue that gets planted deep in our hearts and helps us understand our relationships to each other.

Even when we are wronged, charity helps us treat another person with love and forgiveness. What a wonderful gift! Since charity is the "pure love of Christ," we can see how He exemplified this quality in His life.